An email sent to my coworkers last week. I was just being a smartass, but people seemed to like it.
:)
In late 2004, we were introduced to someone who made the lives of our fledgling company much easier. Today, that old friend is leaving us for good. He had some hard times, but he also worked hard. He was a dedicated servant to the company and weathered many a storm. Sometimes he was powerless, but he always stood fast and held firm. He never questioned us, he never complained. He just did as he was told.
Please say goodbye to our friend, USMail.
At the time he joined us, we were hampered by communications issues. Our email was handled by the UK, and if a server went down there, we were without email, helpless and alone. We had simple POP accounts. No mail backups, no archives. We didn’t have shared calendars or tasks…no public folders in which to place our beloved documents.
And then, one day, something magical happened. We found a bag of magic beans and traded them to Dell for a new computer. Within a few days, we had an enterprise level Exchange server up and running. We could email each other and share documents and see each other’s calendars. It was beautiful. USMail was beautiful.
Things weren’t always easy for him. There were occasions where he would lash out at us, shutting down inexplicably or refusing to deliver mail. Temperamental? Yes. Choosy? Yes. Lovable? Always.
He had his bouts with several problems. There were some problems with his memory, but we took care of those together, as a team. Sometimes he would pass out, lying helpless until I arrived in the middle of the night to revive him. We were close, USMail and I.
And then, around December of last year, he had sudden hot flashes. The prognosis was not good. After an emergency operation, his brains were removed and transplanted into another body. Even this body was not perfect though. It was melted on top, and the front of this body was so warped that he couldn’t open his DVD drive. I mean, his mouth.
Yet, even after the operation, he hung in there. He rose above his impediments and carried us through 2006 bravely. Recently, however, he was having more issues. He gained a tremendous amount of weight and he was having trouble keeping up even a mild pace.
So, the decision was made to put him down. Preparations were made. We had a replacement, Sparky, ready to go. Sparky was younger, more powerful, and dare I say it? Sexier.
We comforted USMail the best we could, but even as the end grew nearer, we could tell he was in pain.
Last weekend, Allen and I sat here beside him for some 36 hours. Consoling him, trying to ease the pain. We successfully removed the excess weight he had put on, and he rested peacefully throughout this week.
But last night, at approximately 7:30pm, our friend is gone.
I know this is hard to accept, but you have to believe that he is in a better place. A place where servers are allowed to run free…a place where there is unlimited bandwidth, and hard drive space is cheaper than air. A place where Microsoft Exchange isn’t part of some destructive symbiotic relationship. A place where fires don’t happen and innocent mail servers aren’t maimed for life.
A better place.
Please take a moment today and think of USMail. Our departed and loyal servant.
It’s funnier in context, but please feel free to laugh uproariously even if you don’t get it.
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