smorg

So last Monday I was getting in the shower and decided to weigh myself, just to go ahead and get the day started with a bang. I was at a career high 220.5 pounds. Wowsa.

So i decided to take the road less traveled and try to lose the equivalent of a small child. My goal: 180 by September 15th. (Why then? Because Holly and I are going to San Fransisco and I’ll be damned if she’s going to be the only one looking heroin chic in the inevitable pictures.)

That’s 40 pounds in 40 days. Crazy? Perhaps. Stupid? Probably. Possible? Oh yeah.

I’ll be posting my updates here every Monday in the hopes that my public humiliation will be inspiring enough to keep me going.

Here’s the game plan: diet, exercise, willpower. Easy, right?
:)

If I can stay around 1000 calories per day, and do at least a couple of miles on the treadmill or play some tennis every day, I should be pretty close, if not able to reach the goal.

So let’s see. The first weeks weigh in stats:

Monday September 30th - 220.5 lbs
Monday August 6th - 213.5 lbs
Monday August 27th - 209lbs (been busy, that’s my excuse!)

Ok, so far so good. Let’s see if we can keep it up. Any wagers?
:)

From this article…

Thanks GOD! Now I don’t have to go looking for my internal decapitation news, I an have it delivered directly to my inbox!

Teachers stage fake gunman attack on sixth graders

Poor judgement? Seriously, ya’ think?

MURFREESBORO, Tennessee (AP) — Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.

The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.

“We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation,” he said.

But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged.

“The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them,” said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip.

Some parents said they were upset by the staff’s poor judgment in light of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech that left 33 students and professors dead, including the gunman.

During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on a locked door.

After the lights went out, about 20 kids started to cry, 11-year-old Shay Naylor said.

“I was like, ‘Oh My God,’ ” she said. “At first I thought I was going to die. We flipped out.”

Principal Catherine Stephens declined to say whether the staff members involved would face disciplinary action, but said the situation “involved poor judgment.”

No, seriously…

Paris Hilton is calling on her fans to help her stay out of jail - by endorsing an online petition they can sign. The desperate socialite, who was sentenced to serve 45 days in jail last week after violating terms of her 2006 drink-driving arrest, has teamed up with a pal called Joshua to urge fans to help her. In a post on her MySpace blog, Hilton, who is also asking California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her, writes, “My friend Joshua started this petition. Please help and sign it. I love you all!”.

The petition, which is addressed to Schwarzenegger, claims “the American public who support Paris are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that drunk driving is wrong. She provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives. If the late former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well.” Hilton is due to start serving time by June 5 if her appeal fails, after being sentenced at a hearing at Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday.

Poor Paris, being held up to the world as a common criminal! And to be made an example of when she SHOULD be doing her work of convincing young girls that being a drug addled tramp is the true, one path.

I hope she gets shanked in jail. But then again, if she is, it will complete the Holy Trinity of Diana, Ann-Nicole and Paris that was prophesied in the Old testament.

The last month has sucked. I had a kidney stone, and then found out I have a dozen more in the works and that I’ll have the most uncomfortable summer ever.
Then this past Tuesday I woke up with this hellacious cough. I go to the doctor and they say it’s a ‘respiratory infection’. No fluid in my lungs, no fever/redness/irritation anywhere. Just an infection.
So I can barely muster the breath to talk, it hurts to breathe and I feel all woozy and high (not in a good way).

Word of advice: don’t get old.